Judging The PulizterShit, Sir.

You think I'm intense? You should meet my radiator. 

Bikfinpie does not condone the manhandling of anyone, especially whilst your arse is hanging out.

Being a strong woman - almost 6ft tall - who is able to lift a man, can have its pitfalls. Occasionally I get referred to as "mate" in shops when people don't pay attention, but then I imagine Francis Rossi has the same problem in reverse.

When I say strong, this is of course massively subjective, I mean, not many girls are going to describe themselves as weak, unless they're pitching for a man who likes a needy woman. Or perhaps a weak woman would like an equally weak man so that they can lettuce around being wet and meek. After all perhaps some do have an agenda to inherit the earth? Quite how that happens being submissive is anybody's guess. I imagine they don't step up to much.

Note, I said strong, not tear-you-a-new-arsehole Bitch from Brigadoon - though she sounds awesome! Yeah I think I'm pretty strong, or stubborn or stoic, but I'm also pretty gentle, sensitive, quite passive and generous. After all, I infamously coined the term 'Gentle Jesusing' as a verb.

When I perform as a 'Bitch from Brigadoon' - let's call her - it can shirk any interest in you when those eyeing up your wares believe you to be exactly like your persona. I recently encountered this first hand when someone - who had initially demonstrated romantic interest in me (I say romantic, he wanted to get all pumpetty on me) but following two relatively, lengthy, 'normal', quite amusing 'off stage' conversations that seemingly went quite well, hence the attempted pumpetty pillage) I was taken aback when he described me, rather nastily, as scary. Now yes, I am rather an intense personality, and yes, I do operate in a rather dominating stance whilst performing, because you have to use what you've got and control a room, but NO, I am not like I am on stage. Between four walls I'm very different. It's a shame he never got to find out, but at least I managed to halt it before he got wriggly between my iron thighs of Brigadoom.

A further example of misjudging those on plinths:- Jack Dee is the most irritating optimist I have ever met, you can't wipe the smile off his doughy, moist face, and the polar example being Professional Christian Aled Jones, who is a notorious arsewang (actually he's not, he made a gag about anal sex to me in a lift once,  it was quite funny bearing in mind it came from Aled Jones' mouth), but you catch my drift. In fact both examples are total falsehoods, (and though the lift story was true, it just didn't happen to with me in said lift).

People make assumptions as to who you are when we all have exteriors and fronts just to battle through life. But if no one is willing to invest the time and energy to see beyond that, and we're not able to ever let our guards down, then we're screwed. When you present yourself publicly for performance you are open to judgement. A case in point being most goths are lovely (obviously they'd hate me saying that, but they generally hate everything), they just don't want to deal with shit from Norman's and hope their appearance might automatically tell the Magnolia's to keep-the-fuck-away. Same with meat heads, except there's a little too much time spent in the mirror and most of them have small penises - but that's the illusion of the meat stack. More often than not, their stout stature couldn't even guarantee an effective upper cut due to the excessive friction against their barrel chests and the subsequent dangers of spontaneous combustion.

It takes time to get to know someone. A whole lifetime. And it's not nature, it's definitely how you nurture. Until you get us out of our masks and clobber we are ALL illusions, especially as 'personalities'. David Copperfield's tan is testament to that. And even David needs love.