My friend Steven

You're my favourite friend called Steven, 

And today I pen you this,

You're not a jerk like Martin,

Or a broke McQueen on the piss,

You wouldn't wrestle a croc,

And then get stung by a ray,

Because you're clever, and hilarious, 

And today's your special day! 

I'm glad you're my friend Steven,

Not even Fry can compare.

How could he, when the posh fop

Wouldn't wear spandex for a dare!

Jobs is no longer here,

And Merchant is a freak,

Tyler's lips scare small kids,

He's a lady dude, that shouldn't speak.

So don your mask, pussycat! Be proud of who you are,

For you're my friend, Steven;

Pooting around in your comic car. 

Blow on something noisy, and ring a tiny bell, 

For you're the bestest Steven, 

And damn that hair's so swell!

Don't ever call him Steve, just make sure it's Ste or Stevie.

It's akin to calling Saint and then turning up with Greavsie.

So let's hear you Clive Coogan, 

As you writhe and spaz with fun, 

If I was with you today, 

I'd have baked you an oversized bun (a muffin).